If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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