just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
