One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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