so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
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Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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