I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
