Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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