Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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