New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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