So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize