Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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