I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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