If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
