then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
