My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A bitchslap is in order.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
