His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
