why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
