New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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