there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want to make out with him forever
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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