You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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