I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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