Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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