i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
