I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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