What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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