He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
