I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
