thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
