I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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