Tell her she can't have a vagina
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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