I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
