The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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