She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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