The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
