My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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