I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
