You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
