the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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