I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
