I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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