just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That accounts for only three of the penises
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
