I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
