$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
