WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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