The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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