Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
