You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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