if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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