I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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