I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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