I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
