laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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