i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
