Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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