NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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