You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
