I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
