I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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