She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
