Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
