my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You pole danced in your parka.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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