She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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