Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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