I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
