It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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