I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
