when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This is my gift to your gina
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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