fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize