I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
