you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
