Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
