I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
